did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
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