Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
