I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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