absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
