I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
