Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize