Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
