So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
