Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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