i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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