im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We just shotgunned beers for America
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
