I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
