Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
accomplished twins. life is a go
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
