So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
pray to the hookup gods
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
