this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
