I think my vagina is haunted
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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