so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
