it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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