PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
