found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
