Sacagawea was the original milf.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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