I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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