Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
