I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
FUCK WHALES
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
