$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
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