Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Hippo gnu deer
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
