Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
