Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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