i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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