Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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