I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
