i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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