I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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