I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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