We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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