break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
