just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
