Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
