your thong is hanging out like whoa
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
