He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
