Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
