You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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