my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
