Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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