Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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