I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
