I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
