If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
