A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
