im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
