and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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