Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
