Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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