thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
