no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
