girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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