Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
