Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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