Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
