Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
