ya dads aren't the best wingmen
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
