Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
