So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I need a beard to bite.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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