yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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