His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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