I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Randomize
