Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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