I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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