i just wanna soil my oats bro
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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