i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
