...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
